Syrian Christians' secret naming formula Exposed!

Regards,
Anand Subramanian,
http://www.TheAnand.com

Dreams do come true; without that possibility nature wouldn't let us have them.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ben Jacob <pixlninja@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Nov 29, 2009 at 1:26 PM
Subject: Syrian Christians' secret naming formula Exposed!
To: Kenney Jacob <kenney.jacob@gmail.com>, Anand Subramanian <as.subramanian@gmail.com>, "Sujith T. John" <jlusujith@gmail.com>, Vineeth Sankar <vineeth009@gmail.com>, Dinu Elizabeth Roy <renjujolly@gmail.com>, Anoop S Achari <anoop.s.achari@gmail.com>

It has been a well kept secret for eons, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville, near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish this classified Mallu formula, on the naming of Mallu Christian kids.

1. Select a combination of both the mother’s and father’s names. e.g. Suresh and Sharon = Susha, or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.

2. The addition of a ‘mon’ (meaning son) or ‘mol’ (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Jobimon

3. To attach a modern, Anglicized feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.

4. For the politically correct Keralite family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal ‘kutty’(child), which
can be used for both boys and girls! eg: Jokutty, Susikutty.

5. Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo.
However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn’t even sound like a name), or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff!!!!), then:

a. Use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.

b. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like
Meredith + Gina = Megi, or
Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene

c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar! Use one that even Vellia-ammachy can pronounce!) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew, or Jijo!

d. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn’t. eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, JustinTimberlake etc.

Note: The use of the letter ‘j’ is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo.

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