Hi All,
Please don't kill me !! :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
(1) What's the difference between a fly & a mosquito?
Simple!
A fly can fly, but a mosquito cannot mosquito!!
(2) What did baby corn ask mom corn???
Where is Pop corn?
(3) Why is the River Rich?
It has two Banks!
(4) What do computers like to eat?
Chips!
(5) Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to School???
She had a Bright Student.
(6) When does Gulshan Grover become Gulshan Grocer.???
Ans: When he travels with the speed of light.(At that Speed, V=C)
(Velocity = Constant).
Why did the girl changed her name from Shruti to Shraxis?
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Because UTI bank is now Axis bank. Shruti ---Shraxis
1. A cow standing on the road keeps shouting 'F'... 'F'...
Why???
Because F=ma ( Newton 's Second Law :) )
2. A boy throws a bottle of Bournvita out of the window. A cat sees it, and takes the bottle of bournvita and buries it under the ground. Why?
Because 'CAT-BURIES' Bournvita
3. Who is called female Java?
Java'Gal' Srinath
4. 3 cockroaches are walking on the road. Suddenly 1 of them starts singing 'Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam...' And the other 2 die immediately. Why?
Because it was a HIT song.
Rich Man on his deathbed . . ..
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
A rich, dying man, laid on his deathbed, requested to be joined at his bedside by his vicar, his bank manager and his lawyer.
He instructed them that he wished to be buried, when he finally passed away, along with all his money. He gave each of them fifty thousand pounds and asked them to throw the money on top of his coffin, in the burial plot, when he died.
A couple of days later the old man passed away and was buried within the week. At the wake, the three men were chatting and the vicar was suddenly overcome with guilt. He confessed to the other two that he had only thrown only half of the money onto the coffin, as the church needed urgent repairs to the roof.
The bank manager thought, ‘What the heck if we are having a confession,’ and told the other two men that he had also only thrown half the money in, as the ‘Credit Crunch’ was hitting hard and he needed some money for the bank to stop it going bust.
The lawyer jumped up and said to the other two, ‘I think that is a shameful act on both of you. I threw a cheque in for the full amount!”
Cash is not the issue! - Startup Humour
The CEO of a start-up business informed his chief advisors that the company seemed to be in sort of difficulty and he wanted to know why.
"Well, its not cash," said the newly-appointed controller.
"How do you know?" was the CEO's next question.
"Because we don't have any," replied the controller.
How Rajni Kanth was conceived???
Monday, November 8, 2010
Regards,
Anand Subramanian,
http://TheAnand.comDreams do come true; without that possibility nature wouldn't let us have them.
Anand Subramanian,
http://TheAnand.comDreams do come true; without that possibility nature wouldn't let us have them.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Varun Anand <varunanandagopal@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Nov 8, 2010 at 2:38 PM
Subject: Fwd: How Rajni Kanth was conceived???
To: Anand Subramanian <as.subramanian@gmail.com>, Kenney Jacob <kenney.jacob@gmail.com>, "<> \"De FrEaKy TeCh\"" <vineeth009@gmail.com>, Anish G Nair <anishgnair87@gmail.com>, anoop s <anoop.s.achari@gmail.com>
From: Varun Anand <varunanandagopal@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Nov 8, 2010 at 2:38 PM
Subject: Fwd: How Rajni Kanth was conceived???
To: Anand Subramanian <as.subramanian@gmail.com>, Kenney Jacob <kenney.jacob@gmail.com>, "<> \"De FrEaKy TeCh\"" <vineeth009@gmail.com>, Anish G Nair <anishgnair87@gmail.com>, anoop s <anoop.s.achari@gmail.com>
Come Home Early
Friday, September 17, 2010
Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a
question" Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?" Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour" Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour" "Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?" The father was furious,"if the only reason you asked that is so you can
borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to
your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard
everyday for such this childish behavior" The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: "May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and
he really didn't ask for money very often!" The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. "I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the
man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's
the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He
yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father. "Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled. "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you" MORAL OF THE STORY It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time
with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us
in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of
their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family....
borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to
your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard
everyday for such this childish behavior" The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: "May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and
he really didn't ask for money very often!" The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. "I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the
man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's
the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He
yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father. "Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled. "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you" MORAL OF THE STORY It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time
with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us
in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of
their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family....
Real Cases in PC Customer Care Records - LOL
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Real Cases in PC Customer Care Records
Have you ever wondered what all call-center employees have to deal with. Read on ...
1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click' on the top of my desk."
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2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says 'Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: Please insert the "MS Word setup disk."
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "Nooo..."
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4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
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5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
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7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
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8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
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9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
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10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
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13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
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16). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem!
All I need is for you to tell me the command.
All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an
undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line "LOAD NOSMOKE.COM" at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
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17) customer care officer:I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: Please left click on start.... do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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